As a working parent, one’s sense of independence is routinely compromised. I don’t know what it’s like to be a grown-up without kids, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s equally hard to feel truly independent. We have the demands of ALL THE PEOPLE piled high on us. And one of these people who is piling on the demands is actually YOU.
Let’s explore this. As an adult, I have found myself moving constantly. I often feel like I can’t get it all done and I’m just running from work to making dinner to driving to soccer practice. I have this internal list of things that need to get done each day in order to feel a sense of accomplishment. I want to make sure we eat healthy food. I want to be sure I over-achieve at work so that they think of me for promotion, I have to get my kids to all the activities so that this need to be an over-achiever can get passed down from generation to generation. The list of things overwhelms me and if I can’t get it all done, I question my value.
The “ah-ha”, though, is that the list is self-imposed. The internal definition of success drives my nonstop existence. And it drives it for those around me too. When I was married, I was expected to be the perfect wife and mother. I not only had my own internal list, but I had the mental honey-do list of my husband. I needed to be X so that he could achieve his own vision of success. I had to keep up the façade that I could do Every.Single.Thing and never tire.
Well, in actuality, I did tire. Because of all the things that we don’t seem to prioritize in our need to be self-proclaimed successful is a sense of sovereignty. What is sovereignty? I guess you think of a queen on a throne. And I think that’s pretty accurate. In the grand scheme of things, you are ultimately the monarch on the throne of your own life. The dictionary says it means, “freedom from external control; AUTONOMY”. Woah! Autonomy??!! What does THAT mean?? It means, “the quality or state of being self-governing”. Woah! Mind-blown.
Can we actually be free of external control? Can we be self-governing? Yes. That’s actually what it means to be sovereign. And I don’t mean this to be some sort of existential “we are born alone and we die alone” soapbox. What I mean instead is that we are very much responsible for ourselves, for our experience and our path. And we are the protagonist in our story.
Yes, there are pressures to be and do. There are expectations that we can collect without even noticing. And then we wake up one day and realize we’ve lost our sovereignty. And we are the only ones that can get it back. But how? I’ve found that it’s simple and hard.
- Make list of the things that fill up your time. Like actually make a schedule of your typical day and add up the hours you spend doing the different things.
- Then make a list of the things that are ACTUALLY important to you. For me this is Movement, Nature, Spirituality, Healing, and Creativity. I know this won’t work for everyone, but I got this super handy Habit Calendar from the amazon to help with this. I make sure that I do something in each of these categories Every.Single.Day.
- Then articulate what activities you want to do more and less of. What is within your control? Can you step back from making a gourmet meal every night and instead meal plan with the goal of having leftovers? Can you let go of some things that don’t serve you? Can you organize a carpool so that you have time to go for a walk?
This is just the starting point. It’s a game-changer when you finally realize that you are in charge of you. You put the oxygen mask on first. You set your priorities and expect others to work around you. Envision yourself sitting on that throne and own it. You only have this one life, so untie yourself from the bindings and let go.
I love this! Thanks for sharing 💖