4 Steps for Reclaiming Your True Self

Reclamation is “the act or process of reclaiming; reformation; rehabilitation; restoration to use; recovery”. To reclaim is to “retrieve or recover (something previously lost, given or paid), obtain the return of”.

I have been thinking a lot about reclamation recently as I ponder my purpose and my personal untying of lines. When we first start out as tiny humans, the world seems so big and the possibilities so endless. As we grow older, we begin to close down our minds to our own possibility, and instead begin the long process of collecting other people’s ideas for us. There are so many influences interested in telling us how to be, and what to do, and what to look like, and what success is. We gather all of these and begin piling them on top of our authentic selves. Layer upon layer, it becomes heavy and thick. We have a hard time maneuvering through life very quickly because there are so many layers to consider before anything can be done.

Some of these layers are external – such as religious ideologies, our parent’s or caregiver’s goals for us, our partner’s ideas of what our lives should look like. And some of these layers are our own – they are our fears and our insecurities – the messaging we perceived from high school and the stories we tell ourselves about what we are good at and what we suck at. Regardless of their origin, they are piled high, and they are so very burdensome.

This is where the trite phrase about “finding yourself” comes in to play for many. We have some sort of driving force moment where we realize that we are covered in all of this junk and we can’t seem to find our center anymore. And once you make that realization, you simply can’t go back to blind movement through the world covered in the layers without being resentful and angry and frustrated.

So, you must begin the 4 R’s of Reclamation – Reformation, Rehabilitation, Restoration to use, and Recovery. I don’t see all of these defining words as synonyms, but instead as the process of coming back to your own unique and glorious center, untied from the layers of junk collected throughout your lifetime.

• Reformation – “make changes in something (typically a social, political, or economic institution) in order to improve it”. While many institutions around us obviously need reformation, I believe the first phase is to identify changes to be made within ourselves. Sometimes the layers are so thick, that we may not even be able to get down to the core of our authenticity. If we’ve been collecting layers for a very long time, then it may take a likewise very long time to tug them all off. No one finds their authentic self in one day, at one retreat, in one workshop. This is a process. But it can’t start without making changes. Start with minor changes like questioning why you make certain choices over and over again when you know you don’t like the outcome. Or maybe stop the routine you follow every year around the holidays and give yourself some time to breathe. Question why you have to check all of those self-imposed holiday boxes and choose to release a few of them.
• Rehabilitation – “restore (someone) to health or normal life by training and therapy after imprisonment, addiction or illness”. Funny to think that a full life dictated by other people’s expectations can feel like imprisonment, addiction or illness – but it’s a very similar process. We need to restore ourselves to ourselves – and this can require training and/or therapy. Fear is one of the most impactful emotions as it relates to the choices we make. And while we may not like the layers of junk we carry around, we know it. It’s familiar and comfortable. All those layers allow us to avoid conflict because we are keeping the peace. When you begin to unpeel yourself, it’s really scary. There can be consequences in relationships, your professional life, your marriage, your family, your internal dialogue. It really does require rehab and is not a process to be taken lightly. If you truly want to reclaim yourself, though, the pain of change can reap monumental rewards. Building a relationship with a trusted therapist or coach can help guide you through this rehabilitation process.
• Restoration – “to bring back (a previous right, practice, custom, or situation); reinstate; return something or someone to a former condition, place or position”. This is the fun part of finally getting down to the core of who we are and allow it to emerge. To reinstate oneself as fully oneself is an invigorating proposition. I have a visualization that I do routinely that involves me walking up to a throne that is my own throne and having myself guide my own self to sit confidently down on the seat. And once I’m seated, a glow begins to move its way throughout my body, filling me with the essence of my own self. This is restoration. We bring ourselves back to our essence and we luxuriate in our divine authenticity.
• Recovery – “a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength”. At this final stage, you find your new normal. You return to a state of being that has stabilized. You have unleashed yourself from the layers of expectation that are not your own, and you have landed in a place that is securely who you are authentically. Your life may look pretty different than it did when you started the process. Years may have passed and you may have discovered aspects of yourself that you had a hard time embracing. But you are now able to settle in and build a new normal.